The indignities of involuntary psychiatric holds are something I am unfortunately very personally familiar with. In my case, an 18 year saga of depression and inconsolable loneliness that I've only recently managed to redress by overcoming difficulties associated with being autistic. In my time I have met people like your father. It is difficult to know the remedy for such circumstances, and there is a difficult line between taking things personally and seeking the salve of indifference to what appears to be a hopeless situation.
I don't know what the balance is for you or what else has transpired between you and your father over the years, but from my own experience there is a value in seeking to build a sense of humble persistence in the course of getting mental health treatment, such as it is. I don't know if earning forgiveness is something your father will seek if he has reason to hate himself, for his own inadequacies, or for mistreating the people around him in his delusions. I don't know if you, or the people in his life matter enough to externally motivate him to change his ways. It doesn't seem like they have up to the precipice that he now stands on.
It may help to simplify the scope of your requests. A few years of peace for your mother may be too complicated for him to process in the way you'd hope; earning your love and forgiveness too high a bar reach for. Instead, ask for simple moments. Moments of levity, where joy can exist in spite of his involuntary hold, music can be useful for this. Moments of truth, where he recognizes and accepts the realities of his life, however small, pictures can be useful for this. From these kinds of moments, larger moments can be built, and eventually larger endeavors. In many ways, this kind of thing is similar to any attempt to build a skill in something. Start with the basics, then work from there. The highest levels of patience will be required by everyone involved. At least, this is my advice based on my understanding of what you have written, and it is not exhaustive, nor practical in many ways. It's simply a gentler approach.
Of course, there is a larger world you have to contend with yourself, with a daughter of your own to take care of, so what I've said might not be appealing. I think in the end, the relationships we have exist in a larger practice of living in the world with minds, bodies, and circumstances we have, and ultimately, it is a personal decision what we choose to take from life. I'll conclude by saying that there is a value in the way you handle your interactions with your father whether he makes progress or not, and I think writing about it is a good start. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your beautifully written and empathetic comments. It is clear that you have a very personal and insightful understanding of having struggles with Mental Health issues.
Finding yourself faced with or loving and wanting to help someone with these, often, complicated and heart-rending life challenges takes a deep love and commitment. Even then, your best attempts might come to naught. The comfort is in knowing you did whatever was in your power to work for wellness or be there for your loved one.
God bless you for your encouragement for Wesley during his time of personal unrest and deep concern. 🙏🏻
This is painful to read, but know that I love your writing and feel for your family. I know many Korean American immigrants and I know their struggles as well as an outsider can.
I am thankful for your father for having produced you and your family. You are someone who adds greatly to my life and I know your daughter will be no less important as she grows older.
Having gone through the dissolution of a marriage due to mental health issues of my ex-wife, and having two children who have some mental challenges as well, this hits home. Your commitment to what is reality vs fantasy and the fortitude to speak truth in the face of hurt feelings is admirable. Hoping for peace on you all.
Thank you for this deep dive into your life. Raw and powerful. The miracle of redemption. Another chance for your father and your family. We are so grateful for your presence here Wes Yang. I will pray that your father has more time to be with you and your mother and your daughter. Blessings to all of you.
Having never had to confront the situation you have so eloquently described, I do not know how to address it in any helpful way. I did have to confront a similar situation, my step mother's descent into Alzheimer's disease, the deterioration of memory to the point that her personality very nearly completely disappeared. It was very much so thar she died before she was dead. We, her family and friends, had to mourn our loss well before she was gone. And, so she was. Her joy was gone, as was our joy in knowing her. The last think to fade way was her ability to play the piano. So many in the nursing to which she had been committed, for months had gathered around the piano to enjoy the music which, somehow, bubbled out. They joined with her to sing the familiar songs she played, bringing joy to each other. Many of them would soon, like her, forget what music was, and forget the joy that it had brought her.
Ginny had accompanied my father for many years, as he sang and preached the Gospel, just as she had, perhaps, unknowingly, accompanied her similarly situated friends in songs of comfort, joy and praise. I find comfort in contemplating her presence with dad, singing those songs in the presence of their Lord and Savior, Jesus God Himself in the place to which He had gone, like them, after His life on earth was finished. And, now, whenever one of those songs stirs in my heart, I sing, knowing that they, and I, join our voices in joy and thanksgiving to Him who loved us so.
A wonderful piece- thank-you 💗 I wish your father well in his journey. I could only think of the untreated damage he has suffered from the horrors of War. The long term effects on people in t countries where it is waged is never discussed. So the cycle continues. Hatreds develop.
May saner heads prevail in those countries which today preach the waging of world war so that this horrible cycle of abuse and destruction (which feeds the MIC) is stopped. The life of future generations depends on it.
That you have borne are bearing the ravages of delusion in your family you are especially qualified to chronicle them as a fundamental aspect of the Successor Ideology.
Generally your writing is great. Just a suggestion: I found the apology in the subtitle unnecessary and defensive (where I thought no defensiveness was needed and thought it could blunt what you wanted to write about).
Beyond that I have suffered the cognitive infirmities of a brother, a mother, a wife, and myself. I find explaining these to others usually haunts me later as TMI, especially given occasional reactions (horrified). I learn who my real friends are, but the cost of the learning is great enough that today I rarely try anymore. Which is to say, I hear you brother.
The indignities of involuntary psychiatric holds are something I am unfortunately very personally familiar with. In my case, an 18 year saga of depression and inconsolable loneliness that I've only recently managed to redress by overcoming difficulties associated with being autistic. In my time I have met people like your father. It is difficult to know the remedy for such circumstances, and there is a difficult line between taking things personally and seeking the salve of indifference to what appears to be a hopeless situation.
I don't know what the balance is for you or what else has transpired between you and your father over the years, but from my own experience there is a value in seeking to build a sense of humble persistence in the course of getting mental health treatment, such as it is. I don't know if earning forgiveness is something your father will seek if he has reason to hate himself, for his own inadequacies, or for mistreating the people around him in his delusions. I don't know if you, or the people in his life matter enough to externally motivate him to change his ways. It doesn't seem like they have up to the precipice that he now stands on.
It may help to simplify the scope of your requests. A few years of peace for your mother may be too complicated for him to process in the way you'd hope; earning your love and forgiveness too high a bar reach for. Instead, ask for simple moments. Moments of levity, where joy can exist in spite of his involuntary hold, music can be useful for this. Moments of truth, where he recognizes and accepts the realities of his life, however small, pictures can be useful for this. From these kinds of moments, larger moments can be built, and eventually larger endeavors. In many ways, this kind of thing is similar to any attempt to build a skill in something. Start with the basics, then work from there. The highest levels of patience will be required by everyone involved. At least, this is my advice based on my understanding of what you have written, and it is not exhaustive, nor practical in many ways. It's simply a gentler approach.
Of course, there is a larger world you have to contend with yourself, with a daughter of your own to take care of, so what I've said might not be appealing. I think in the end, the relationships we have exist in a larger practice of living in the world with minds, bodies, and circumstances we have, and ultimately, it is a personal decision what we choose to take from life. I'll conclude by saying that there is a value in the way you handle your interactions with your father whether he makes progress or not, and I think writing about it is a good start. Thanks for sharing.
Type1civilian,
Thank you for your beautifully written and empathetic comments. It is clear that you have a very personal and insightful understanding of having struggles with Mental Health issues.
Finding yourself faced with or loving and wanting to help someone with these, often, complicated and heart-rending life challenges takes a deep love and commitment. Even then, your best attempts might come to naught. The comfort is in knowing you did whatever was in your power to work for wellness or be there for your loved one.
God bless you for your encouragement for Wesley during his time of personal unrest and deep concern. 🙏🏻
This is painful to read, but know that I love your writing and feel for your family. I know many Korean American immigrants and I know their struggles as well as an outsider can.
I am thankful for your father for having produced you and your family. You are someone who adds greatly to my life and I know your daughter will be no less important as she grows older.
Beautifully written. Not a word too long or short. May you and your family enjoy peace.
Having gone through the dissolution of a marriage due to mental health issues of my ex-wife, and having two children who have some mental challenges as well, this hits home. Your commitment to what is reality vs fantasy and the fortitude to speak truth in the face of hurt feelings is admirable. Hoping for peace on you all.
Thank you for this deep dive into your life. Raw and powerful. The miracle of redemption. Another chance for your father and your family. We are so grateful for your presence here Wes Yang. I will pray that your father has more time to be with you and your mother and your daughter. Blessings to all of you.
Sounds like you’re being compassionate and using good judgement at the same time. Best wishes to you Wesley.
My god… I was in tears reading this. Beyond that, having nothing to say that isn’t cliché, I will say nothing.
You are a good son to both your parents.
Having never had to confront the situation you have so eloquently described, I do not know how to address it in any helpful way. I did have to confront a similar situation, my step mother's descent into Alzheimer's disease, the deterioration of memory to the point that her personality very nearly completely disappeared. It was very much so thar she died before she was dead. We, her family and friends, had to mourn our loss well before she was gone. And, so she was. Her joy was gone, as was our joy in knowing her. The last think to fade way was her ability to play the piano. So many in the nursing to which she had been committed, for months had gathered around the piano to enjoy the music which, somehow, bubbled out. They joined with her to sing the familiar songs she played, bringing joy to each other. Many of them would soon, like her, forget what music was, and forget the joy that it had brought her.
Ginny had accompanied my father for many years, as he sang and preached the Gospel, just as she had, perhaps, unknowingly, accompanied her similarly situated friends in songs of comfort, joy and praise. I find comfort in contemplating her presence with dad, singing those songs in the presence of their Lord and Savior, Jesus God Himself in the place to which He had gone, like them, after His life on earth was finished. And, now, whenever one of those songs stirs in my heart, I sing, knowing that they, and I, join our voices in joy and thanksgiving to Him who loved us so.
A wonderful piece- thank-you 💗 I wish your father well in his journey. I could only think of the untreated damage he has suffered from the horrors of War. The long term effects on people in t countries where it is waged is never discussed. So the cycle continues. Hatreds develop.
May saner heads prevail in those countries which today preach the waging of world war so that this horrible cycle of abuse and destruction (which feeds the MIC) is stopped. The life of future generations depends on it.
The 12 comments "say" it all. You've shown Your bravery, and in writing about it as well.
Best wishes.
Well done, sir. God bless your family.
Close to home. Thank you for sharing.
Cathartic to write about it.
That you have borne are bearing the ravages of delusion in your family you are especially qualified to chronicle them as a fundamental aspect of the Successor Ideology.
Generally your writing is great. Just a suggestion: I found the apology in the subtitle unnecessary and defensive (where I thought no defensiveness was needed and thought it could blunt what you wanted to write about).
Beyond that I have suffered the cognitive infirmities of a brother, a mother, a wife, and myself. I find explaining these to others usually haunts me later as TMI, especially given occasional reactions (horrified). I learn who my real friends are, but the cost of the learning is great enough that today I rarely try anymore. Which is to say, I hear you brother.