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SCA's avatar

Sometimes good things may not be necessary; sometimes necessary things aren't good. And then there's the vast untamed territory that can't be neatly defined.

It always surprised me how many gay couples were so determined to reproduce everything about the "heteronormal patriarchy" in their envisioning of the brave iconoclastic life they were fighting for. Traditional role names have specific meanings and expectations. So how can two gay men be husbands to each other and why would they want to be? What does a lesbian mean when she says "this is my wife?"

What can possibly be wrong with a good sturdy word like "spouse?" Doesn't it cover everything you need it to and allow you to define it as you wish? Why is it a diminishment of your relationship to call it a civil partnership instead of a marriage? All marriages are civil contracts; the sacred union part of that, if any, is defined by your culture if you choose to adhere to that. But the binding part before law is the contract enforceable by civil authorities.

In all this vaunted individuality and freedom and joyful transgressing of rules, I see an awful lot of conformity. How many "real women" wear pearls and twinsets these days? I see 'em mostly on people like Jennifer Finney Boylan. I suspect that pantomimes based on stereotypes may not actually be an authentic expression of the inner being.

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Diamond Boy's avatar

Henry David Thoreau said to a friend in a letter: “ most man go to their graves with their song still in them.” Wesley says individuality is the belief that “self is a unique and creative spirit who’s reason for existence is it’s own expression.”

When this old world is gettin me down, I don’t go up on the roof, I turn to Thoreau, his quotes put me right: try it, you’ll see.

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